Random One-Liners

Whatever is on the floor will wind up in your baby’s mouth; whatever is in your baby’s mouth will wind up on the floor.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Children Family

Well, you know, plants are living things, too; they're just easier to catch.

(1960 – ) American stand-up comedian & writer
Food/Drink

Lacey Underall: You’re crazy!

Ty Webb: That’s what they said about Son of Sam.

(1943 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
TV/Movie Quotes

What on Earth was I drinking last night? My head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it.

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Bulbous Bouffant

Miscellaneous

Maybe money corrupts the character; but lack of money isn't going to improve it either.

(1902 – 1968) novelist
Characteristics Money

The House of Lords must be the only institution in the world which is kept efficient by the persistent absenteeism of most of its members.

(1870 – 1963) British politician & diplomat
Government

But he was the worst dresser in organized baseball; he made Inspector Clouseau look like a candidate for Mr. Blackwell's list of best-dressed men.

American baseball pitcher
Appearance Basketball Clothing Sports

One In Three British Men Ready To Give Birth

Headlines

Fast bowlers are quick. Just watch this – admittedly it is in slow motion.

Australian cricketer
Misspokements Sports

I’ve wanted to have a baby for about five years, but she wants one forever.

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Family

Her only flair is in her nostrils.

(1919 – 2001) American film critic
Appearance Reviews/Criticism

Never felt better.

(1911 – 2000) American actor
Last words

18,000 Women Recalled For New Tests

Headlines Women

He’s got some grand strategy that he can’t revulge.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Money Places World

The difference between journalism and literature is that journalism is unreadable and literature is never read.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Communication Insults Reading/Writing

Animal Shelter Says Legless Dog Just Slipped Past Staff

Headlines

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush,’ ‘Dick,’ and ‘Colon.’

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Places Situations World

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Characteristics Men People Women

Great small cities

Oxymorons